5 Character Qualities Your Children Require to Succeed
- gracehunter199898
- Oct 28, 2021
- 4 min read
Parenting a traumatized child can easily trap us in a cycle of spending all of our effort on addressing trauma-related behaviors. However, we often overlook the fact that kids, too, require coping skills such as resilience in order to grow past childhood trauma and prepare for adulthood. The ability to accept life's problems, cope with them, and then "bounce back" to prosper despite the difficulties is referred to as resilience.
Many of our children are born with the ability to bounce back from difficult situations. Many people's ability to cope with trauma has been hampered.
We build their resilience by creating a culture of felt safety in our families and forming stable attachments.
So, how do we teach our kids to develop the resilience they'll need to succeed? Dr. Michele Borba and I spoke about her new book, Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine, a few months ago. ** She discussed the seven character traits that every child needs to develop resilience and prosper in life, as well as practical teaching tips for each trait.
The 7 Characteristics That Help You Build Resilience
Self-Assuredness is the first trait.
I'm conscious of who I am in a subtle way. I know what I'm excellent at, what obstacles I need to overcome, and where I fit in the world.
How to Instruct It:
Begin by focusing on your child's strengths. What does he have as a natural talent? What makes him stand out?
Allow him to develop those skills or talents and demonstrate them to the rest of the world.
Become a student of your child if you're not sure where your child shines. Make some opportunity for people to try out a variety of activities. Examine what piqued his curiosity or enthusiasm.
Try complimenting your child – to others, to him, and for his efforts, not just his finished product – once you know what he or she is good at.
Allow your child to overhear you complimenting his diligence, curiosity, and efforts at his skill or talent if he is uncomfortable with praise.
Make changes to your family calendar (and, if necessary, your money!) to reflect your commitment to your child's enthusiasm.
Empathy is the second trait.
I can sense other people's emotions and create emotional bonds with those I meet.
How to Instruct It:
Provide opportunities for family members to verbally encourage one another and to practice helpful, empathetic language.
Teach your child to use his or her eyes to look up. Start by teaching your child to look at the bridge of the other person's nose if making eye contact is difficult for him. Encourage any improvement and give credit where credit is due.
Read books and watch movies together that label emotion, and discuss the feelings-words that are labeled.
Set stringent limits on technology use and place a premium on face-to-face interactions over screen time.
Self-Control is trait #3.
My desires and behaviors are under my control. I'm aware of my stress indicators and triggers, and I'm equipped to handle them.
It Can Be Taught in a Few Different Ways:
Begin by looking for stress signals in your youngster. Keep track of what bothers him, what behaviors indicate a stress reaction is on the way, and what his triggers are. Keeping a journal of your findings might be beneficial.
Discuss your child's stress signals with him. Make observations and assist him in becoming self-aware of his body's messages during quiet moments.
Teach your youngster to say to themselves, "I got this," "Relax," or "Calm" to help them relax.
Teach soothing breathing techniques: inhale slowly and deeply, then exhale through the lips for twice as long as the inhale.
Integrity is the fourth quality.
My moral code and value system are strong. I know what my conscience is telling me, and I can stick to it even when confronted with an ethical dilemma.
How to Instruct It:
Remind yourself that you play an important role in your child's growth. Her conscience develops through time, and she is influenced by your example.
Early and often, express the ideals and values you want your child to carry into adulthood.
Together, write them down and create a "mission statement" or core identity for your family. "How do we want to be known?" you might wonder.
Recognize the impact of peer pressure (you're employing empathy here!) and discuss the tools she's developed so far to face the problems.
Remind your children of what you want them to become.
Curiosity is the fifth trait.
I have an inquisitive mind and a desire to learn new things. I am willing to try fresh approaches to situations that I come across.
How to Instruct It:
Rather than rescuing your children, teach them how to solve problems. Ask open-ended inquiries rather than providing answers. Take a look at some of the options with them.
When your children are confronted with a problem, brainstorm alongside them and allow them to explore their ideas. Work your way through the list, removing any ideas that are dangerous, foolish, or irresponsible.
Set up regular family meetings to help each other handle problems. Begin by having the children discuss their difficulties and providing proof to back up their claims. Together, work through the challenges by asking questions and imagining possible outcomes.
Declare frequently – and model the message! – that failure is acceptable and even welcomed in your home.
Ask inquiries and engage in curiosity with your child about how to try various approaches to stretch their tolerance for failure. "What didn't work this time?" says the narrator.
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